The Bank Trip

Lil' Johnny's mother took her 6 year old son with her tothe bank. They were in line behind a rather obese lady. As the mother patiently waited, Lil' Johnny looked at the women in front of him and observed loudly, "Hey, Mom, she's really fat.The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his mother and gave an understanding smile. Lil' Johnny received a reprimand. After a minute or two, Lil' Johnny spread his hands as far as they will go and loudly said, "I bet her butt is 'that' wide." At this the lady glared at Johnny. His embarrassed mother severely scolds her son. Again after a couple of minutes Lil' Johnny stated loudly, "Look how the fat hangs over her belt." The lady turned and told Johnny's mother to control her child and his mother threatened him with severe bodily harm. The lady's pager begins to go off. Lil' Johnny yelled in a panic at the top of his voice, "Run for your life, she's backing up"

Suzy, Johnny and the Banister

Little Johnny and Suzy have almost nothing to do one day while in the house playing. All of a sudden, Johnny gets this great idea. "Let's take turns sliding down the banister rail!" he suggests. "Oh no," answers Suzy, "That's way too scary." "No, it's not," says Johnny, "it'll be fun!" And he proceeds to the top of the stairs. The banister rail is long and very smooth with a beautiful big marble ball at its base. Johnny climbs on and down he goes, squealing with excitement as he goes. He jumps off just before he gets to the marble ball at the bottom. "That was great," he says. "Come on, you try now." Suzy still isn't quite sure that this is such a good idea. "No," she says, "It looks too scary." "No, it's not," said Johnny, and away he goes again to the top of the stairs. He climbs on and down he goes again, having just as much fun as he did the first time. He jumps off just before the marble ball at the bottom. "You gotta try this, it's the best!" urges Johnny. Well, little Suzy isn't one to stay scared for very long and this really does look like fun, so she agrees. To the top of the stairs she goes. She straddles the banister rail, and slowly lets go with her hands. Down she goes, a lot faster than she expected. WHAM! Right into the marble ball at the bottom. Little Suzy starts to cry and almost falls off the banister rail. When Johnny sees her so upset, crying ever harder and holding her groin where she collided with the marble ball, he gets a little scared that maybe she has really hurt herself. "Maybe you'd better let me see," suggests Little Johnny. So Suzy lifts her little dress and pulls down her panties. Little Johnny's face goes pale white. "OH, NO!" he shouts. "THIS IS HORRIBLE! YOU KNOCKED IT RIGHT OFF!!"

What Body Part Gets to Heaven First?

The story takes place in a Christian school. The teacher asks the question, 'What part of your body gets to heven first?' 3 students raise their hand, Jenny, Jim, and little Johnny in the back. The teacher thinks to herself, 'I dont want to call on Johnny cause he will say something perverted.' So she picks on Jenny first who says, 'I think your head gets to heaven first cause you have to be smart.' The teacher then calls on Jim who says, 'I think your heart gets to heaven first cause you gotta have a good heart.' Finally Johnny is the only one with his hand up. The teacher says to herself 'Oh no, I gotta pick Johnny.' She picks him and he says, 'I think your feet get to heaven first.' The relieved teacher asks him, 'Why on earth do you think your feet get to heaven first?' Johnny says, 'Cause I walked into my Mom and Dad's room last night and my mom's feet were straight up in the air and she was sayin 'Oh God I'm cummin'!''